


Summer Fire

by Lillian Jo (troublemakerdim)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Dahyun is the best honestly i love her, Denial, Dumbass!Juyeon, F/M, Friends to Lovers, I like hurting my characters like I hurt, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Soft!Jaehyun, childhood friends? childhood friends, very self indulgent, wrote this for a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 21:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20234512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troublemakerdim/pseuds/Lillian%20Jo
Summary: It's a little complicated being in love with your best friend when they're dating someone else. Juyeon can handle it though, he's been handling it great (not really) for the past three years! He can do this. He really can.Until he really can't anymore.





	Summer Fire

あなたが幸せである限り.

One would argue that it’s quite a cliché situation, a cliché and overdone trope of the confident guy who falls in love with his childhood best friend.

Perhaps his life was too much like a teen movie. It’s something he’s read on many forums in the past (as one does in times of crisis), about how it happens to a lot of gay guys; apparently his situation was completely normal. It was most definitely cliché. He had asked many more experienced…gays about this entire situation and it seemed that there was a general consensus; if you’re best friends, a confession wouldn’t hurt your relationship.

But there was no way he would ever do it. He’d never confess. He would never utter the words that lay heavily on the tip of his tongue every time he sees the other. He wouldn’t speak a single one of the many thoughts that cross his mind when he sees his best friend smile. He’d keep it all in a box, and burry it deep inside of him.

It wasn’t because he was scared though. Everyone around him had assumed that was the reason but really, Juyeon trusted Jaehyun well enough for him to not judge his feelings, whether the other was straight or not. No that wasn’t the reason he wasn’t going to say anything.

True to his character, Juyeon would rather have a truck run him over than bring his friend any kind of worry. Because before even being in love with Jaehyun; Juyeon was also his best friend since childhood, he cared about him a lot. And even if the other dated other girls all the time, Juyeon knew he would always be the constant in his life. That last bit brought him a lot of joy.

That didn’t mean however that all was rainbows and sunshine. Being in love with your best friend, your straight, beautiful best friend was also painful. Because while you got to see them the most, you got to hear from them the most, you also got to watch them share their life with someone else. Someone else, that wasn’t you. Perhaps it would never be you. 

It brought Juyeon joy to see someone he loved so happy with someone else, but it also broke his heart that it wasn’t him holding onto Jaehyun so dearly.

It hurt. But the small things; the fact that Jaehyun always went to him for advice, that Jae always showed and shared the things he loved with him, that they always went out together, that helped him make up his mind.

He would never tell Jaehyun. Instead, he would enjoy the things he already had, and that was enough for him. He was already thankful for the little things.

He did try to ‘move on’, per his friends’ advice, he had dated a few guys here and there but it never lasted too long so he had accepted his fate. Juyeon was to be in love with his straight, dense and completely oblivious best friend, but he was going to be okay with it, because at the very least, the one he loved was happy.

That thought was comforting in the very least. Today too, he was looking forward to spending time with his best friend. Lately, he had been getting really close and started dating a girl from his class, Dahyun, and they were getting along really well. It just made it that Juyeon and Jaehyun didn’t really get to spend much time together, even if they lived together.

He hoped today would be a change.

“You smoke too much” He hears a familiar voice say.

He plops the cigarette out of his mouth and smiles. He’d been lying on the grass in front of the science department, waiting for the other to finish his first class of the day. He didn’t have a class until after lunch, but he liked waiting for the older so they could eat together before their afternoon classes.

He always takes every single opportunity to spend some quality time with the older, and this was finally it.

He’s half-way through the cigarette when Jaehyun takes it out of his mouth forcibly. That’s how he knows the other is done with classes. It’s the fight they have; they’re always fighting over his smoking habits.

“Juyeon, you’re kidding right? Isn’t this your third one since this morning?” The older is glaring at him, unamused. He really hates it. Juyeon almost wonders if it’s just the smell or if it’s because he worries for him. He likes to think it’s the love Jae holds for him.

“Actually it’s my fifth.”

He hears Jae gasp loudly and feels a slap on his arm. He chuckles a little and finally opens his eyes. It’s really hot for May, and he’d been really enjoying the peaceful morning breeze alone. Jae eventually sits next to him after having thrown the offending cigarette away.

“Do you want to go have lunch?” Juyeon only nods and lets the other drag him to the cafeteria on campus, because Jae just love clinging onto his arms when they walk around sometimes. It’s very annoying. The cafeteria’s pretty far out from where they are, so they make small talk about Jae’s class and his assignment.

“I’m out tonight by the way, Dahyun invited me out for our anniversary” The older says offhandedly, checking his phone while they were walking to the cafeteria.

“Alright” Is all Juyeon responds. He’s a little bitter. His plans to spend a relaxing night with Jaehyun were out the window it seemed. 

They arrive at the cafeteria and sit down at their usual table. They take out the lunch Juyeon made them that morning and start eating together.

“I wish I could cook like you, Dahyun and I both suck at cooking so it’s hard to prepare for picnic dates” The other says. Juyeon chuckles, telling the other he’ll gladly prepare the meals if it meant Jaehyun would be out of his face for the afternoon.

It’s a joke.

A really really big joke, just like his life he thinks.

“Would you really do that?”

“I would, you know how much I hate your face” He jokes again. The bitterness might be speaking a little there. It’s not out of hate towards Jae, mostly out of hate towards himself.

“I’ll have you know I’m beautiful” and it sits heavily on the younger’s tongue to agree but instead he just stuffs food in his mouth and ignores the other.

He kind of isn’t looking forward to the night. He can already picture it. He knows what he’s going to do to himself. He’s going to spend hours just thinking about the upsetting thoughts, wondering what he could possibly do and end up getting drunk somehow.

Arguably, it actually hasn’t been long since Juyeon realized his feelings for the other so a part of him kind of expects it all to go away sooner or later. Maybe it’s just a temporary thing and soon enough he’ll get over it.

The thought is comforting, kinda.

He’s been telling himself that for the past three years now and he’s still hoping for things to change up soon. A part of his brain keeps whispering ‘soon, soon’ but Juyeon doesn’t know for sure what the sure speaks off. He’s just telling himself anything to calm himself down and not talk about his feelings, or think about them. He’s clearly failed.

Jaehyun makes conversation here and there, but Juyeon’s mind is elsewhere that afternoon. If Jae notices, he doesn’t say anything about it. The younger is a little thankful for that. He doesn’t want to worry the other with his thoughts and kind of just wants to skip his afternoon class to go home and forget. 

He usually deals with those nights great, he goes out with people, watches movies, anything really, just to keep his mind occupied on anything else. But some days are worse than others, he guesses.

It’s 11pm when he leaves the house. He’s not supposed to. He actually did go to his afternoon class and even club practice and after taking a long shower and eating some leftovers; the brunet got dressed to go out. He’s wearing a pair of black pants and a nice shirt.

Of course, going out in the middle of the week was not a good idea, but he needed it. He wasn’t going to do much, just go out, chat with some people, make a friend or two, hopefully forget.

Having a list set in his mind, of the things he had to do, Juyeon leaves his apartment, making sure to grab his keys and a wallet. He leaves his phone behind, no one’s going to be talking to him tonight anyways, he thinks bitterly.

There’s a smile on his face when he’s walking towards the pubs. It’s not a smile of happiness. He just finds the entire situation hilarious. Just a little anniversary date is putting him in this state, when usually he can handle anything fine.

Maybe it’s because Dahyun seems so, close to Jae. They get along so well. He’s always talking about her. He’s always speaking of her with so much affection. And sure, they have their fights but, every time, Jaehyun just lets it go and they get back together. She must be amazing if he’s willing to just let everything slide.

Juyeon met Dahyun. She was a great girl. Honestly, she was amazing and perhaps if he had been a little straighter he would have fallen for her. She was beautiful, funny, cute, smart, everything that suited a guy like Jaehyun. They were great for each other.

He’s in the pub, finally, and he quickly orders any drink that has a high percentage of alcohol. He downs it in one shot and then goes to sit down on the booth. He’s clearly unhappy, his mind filled with all the little anxieties of a foolish man in love. For a while, it’s like a travel back to the past, he remembers all the amazing times they’ve spent together, the times they’d cuddle up watching a movie, the times they went out just the two of them together.

Was it really possible to be this enamored with someone?

Was it really possible to love someone so much when they didn’t see you that way at all? Was it possible to fall so deeply in love with someone that, never gave back anything you wanted to receive? To constantly care about their feelings? To constantly want to talk to them? To constantly want to be with them? Wasn’t that too much?

It almost felt like, his heart was overflowing with it. It was way too much. It was like a waterfall when it was supposed to be a well kept water barricade. Everything kept flowing out no matter how hard he tried to keep it all in.

He decides he needs to forget so he orders another drink before he looks over to the room. He people watches. There are mostly middle aged men coming in from after work, drinking beers together. Otherwise there’s only one other guy his age, and a girl with what definitely was a girlfriend clinging to her arm. The guy is slightly tanner than he is and seems pretty down in the dumps.

He feels like, even though he’s pretty down himself, maybe he can help that guy out. He orders two drinks. He gets up, walks over to him and smiles as he taps on the table the other is sadly reclined over.

When the other lifts his face, his brown hair falls very effortlessly on his face, making him look even more beautiful than Juyeon expected. A look of surprise passes the seated man. 

“Hey, you waiting for anyone?” the brunet asks innocently. The man shakes his head.

“Is it okay if I sit there?” he asks pointing at the seat in front of him. The other still doesn’t say anything and just nods.

He sits down and puts the drink in front of the other.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked so I asked the bartender. You’re a regular it seems” He says pushing the drink in front of the other. The man smiles a little and nods, before taking a sip of the drink in front of him.

“So, what’s up?” Juyeon asks after a few minutes and the other looks like he’s taken aback. He laughs a little, after having gotten over his surprise, and looks down on his drink.

“I thought you were flirting with me for a second but I guess not. I got really worried, since I’m not interested, no offence” Juyeon laughs and shakes his head. That’d be funny, considering he’s well, in love with his best friend.

“Don’t worry about that, I got my mind preoccupied with someone else right now.” He responds smiling. “So?”

The other seems a little solemn when he realizes Juyeon won’t give it up. Talking helps they say, Juyeon wouldn’t know he’s not the type to speak about his feelings in general but Sangyeon always tells him about how healthy it is so, he’ll trust his hyung.

“Well…The person I like, they’ve been dating someone else for the longest time. And they’ve been talking about getting married with that person and I’m just, not okay. It’s really hard just seeing them together but the idea of them getting married? I can’t. I’ve been coming here daily every since I got the news.”

Oh, well that’s quite hilarious. There’s a part of Juyeon’s heart that falls, because first of all, that hits very close to home and he can’t help but feel sorry for this guy, but also because he just imagined Jae getting married to Dahyun and that just felt like the most painful stab in the heart yet.

“Sorry uh, what was your name?” The other answers Seokmin and Juyeon smiles, “Juyeon, nice to meet you.”

“Likewise”

“So Seokmin, I wanted to know if you ever tried confessing.”

The other smiles but shakes his head. He explains that confessing was not an option for him because the person he liked was straight. Ouch.

He then talks about how he’d known them for so long and that he knew for a fact how to recognize if the other had any feelings for him. Ouch number 2.

“Hey, I don’t think that’s really fair”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if he doesn’t know you like him, how would you know?” And that’s when the other kind of just shuts up and looks down. It looks like he’s weighting his options for a second.

“But he’s straight.”

“Listen, I’m a complete stranger, the only thing we have in common is our taste in alcohol for all I know.” The other chuckles “But, you should confess. First of all, you don’t know what could happen. Maybe it happens that it clicks for your friend and he realizes he likes you back; and maybe it won’t and when he rejects you it’s gonna be a bitch but it’s also going to help you move on. If you want to move on, or maybe have a great surprise, you should confess. Just keep your expectations low you know?”

Even though Seokmin is a complete stranger, he still listens intently to everything Juyeon has to say. He seems like such a nice guy and looks like he cares so much for this person he likes. The conflict going in his head just feels so similar to the one Juyeon is going through.

“I think, you’re actually making a lot of sense. But, what if he leaves? What if he stops talking to me?”

Juyeon smiles “He’s your best friend, he won’t”

“You said you don’t know me, you won’t know.”

“That’s one thing I know”

The other smiles and pushes the empty glass and gets up.   


“Thank you” Seokmin says with a big smile on his face and hurries out of the pub, life filling his eyes again. Juyeon thinks that’s one of the most beautiful smiles he’s ever seen, but nothing close to Jae’s.

Juyeon looks out after the other as he runs out of the Pub. There’s a smile on the brunet’s face now too. He knows, everything he said was true and that he should follow through but, the truth is, he doesn’t want to move on yet.

Loving Jaehyun, it’s painful and hard, but it feels so good. It feels good to have someone you care about so deeply, and it’s Jaehyun on top of everything. He wasn’t ready to move on. He didn’t really want to anyways.

It felt good to be in love.

He looks back down on his drink and finishes it up in one gulp. It’s closing on 2 am and he guesses it’s about time he goes home. He gets up, pays and moves out of the pub.

It’s a pretty refreshing night. He stuffs his hands in his pant pockets and takes out a cigarette to smoke. When he gets home he’s careful to open the door quietly and walks in to find Jae looking straight at him, looking disheveled. The older hurries towards him and, with a frown on his face, shoves Juyeon roughly.

“Where the fuck were you without your phone??? I’ve been calling you for the past two hour and nothing! What the fu- Wait, are you drunk?” there’s clearly anger painted on the other’s face. Juyeon can also detect a little bit of worry and hurt somewhere deep in there.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be home”

“That’s what a phone is for you asshole! I was worried sick! Why did you drink anyways? You got dumped or something? It’s Thursday!”

Juyeon smiles and place a hand on the others head.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen anymore.” He apologizes and then walks away to his room. Jae doesn’t seem to take just that, of course he won’t and he holds onto Juyeon’s shirt roughly before he gets to his room’s door.

“Juyeon please talk to me? I can clearly see that something is going on. I don’t want you to go through this alone”

It’s like a stab in the heart again, to see that face on Jae. He looks sad, and worried. He’s clearly upset Ju won’t open up.

“Please, don’t make me do this”

“Why not?! Why won’t you tell me! This isn’t the first time! It’s happened multiple times before! You always do this! You get upset, all by yourself, you don’t tell anyone and you go get shit faced all by yourself!”

“Jae, I’m not that drunk okay? It’s fine. Don’t worry. It’s not that important. Some days I’m just not 100%” He smiles at the other to try and calm him down.

It does seem like Jaehyun calms down a little, but not completely. He sighs and lets go of the other’s shirt.

“I care about you Ju, I really do.” Was it possible to fall even more in love just because of that sentence? It seemed like it was, because Juyeon just fell more in love with the other.

“I know, and I care and love you more than anything. More than you can possibly know” he says. That last part was supposed to stay in, but it comes out because of the alcohol but also maybe because that talk with Seokmin kind of gave him a little confidence. He sees the other flush and smiles to himself. He decides he should go to sleep before he says anything else.

When he lays his head on his pillow, the only thing he sees is Jaehyun’s red flushed face.

まだあなたを愛しています

It’s been a week since the incident. Jaehyun is currently out again, with his girlfriend, but his mind doesn’t seem to forget about the fight he had with Juyeon.

Ever since that night, it seemed like Juyeon was more closed off than he ever was. He was smoking more, up to 10 cigarettes a day, and kept to himself most of the time. When it was time to eat, he’d cook a share just for Jaehyun and then go to his room, with the excuse of exams coming up.

But Jaehyun knows. He knows Juyeon like the back of his hand. First of all, he wouldn’t study that hard for any exams, Juyeon was a stupid jock for a lack of better words; and second of all, it just was so obvious on his face.

He always looked so solemn and tired. Whatever was going on through his mind right now, it must have been painful enough for the younger to lose his appetite. It didn’t help that he also was over exerting himself at basketball practice. Jaehyun knows; he often goes to watch his best friend.

Dahyun snaps him out of his intense thinking with a hand wave in front of his face.

“Are you okay?” She asks, an eyebrow raised up in question.

“I’m fine…it’s not me it’s Juyeon.” And suddenly Dahyun’s face changes. She seems worried too now.

“Did something happen?”

“We had a fight because he wouldn’t open up about his feelings…he just looks so upset Dahyun I wish you could see!” The brunet takes his head in his hands and sighs. “I just don’t know what to do”

“Trust me on this okay? Leave him alone a little” To Jaehyun, it looked like Dahyun knew more than she was leading on.

“What? Why?”

“He just needs some time and he’ll be okay. Trust me okay?”

This doesn’t help Jaehyun at all because now he’s just so much more confused than he initially was. When their date is over, he walks his girlfriend home and walks back alone. The way back home is long so it gives him plenty of time to think. He wonders what it could be that Juyeon was going through. What was it that it made him so…sad...?

That’s when Jae decides something needs to be done. He can’t follow through with Dahyun’s advice. He can’t just leave his best friend out there being depressed. He needed to do something to make him feel better. Anyone else, he wouldn’t have done so much but for Juyeon, he’ll do anything.

He walks back home with newfound determination and passes by the store to get some snacks. He buys a lot, chips, drinks, and chocolate, anything he knows Juyeon will like. He pays and walks back to their apartment.

When he gets home, he opens the door and looks for his friend. The other is on the couch, deeply asleep. From that angle, Jaehyun only thinks about how beautiful his best friend is. He looks so…handsome, so peaceful asleep there, in a platonic way of course.

He doesn’t speak and just watches Juyeon looking peaceful and unworried, unlike how he’s looked for the past week. He places the bags on the ground and after a few minutes he shakes the other awake.

“Hey, I brought us snacks”

The other wakes up with difficulty. He looks disheveled, his hair sticking out all over the place and face flushed because it’s so hot. Jaehyun thinks it’s really cute, platonically of course.

“Wha-?”

“I said I brought us snacks; let’s watch some show on netflix and binge eat.” The brunet tells him smiling widely.

Juyeon feels like he’s been knocked out in a fight. The air in his lungs leaves him and he’s at a loss of words for a few minutes, instead of responding he just resorts to a simple nod.

The other grins and goes to prepare the snacks in the kitchen, while Juyeon tries to regain his senses. He passes a hand tiredly over his face and groans. What the hell is he supposed to do now? He promised himself he’d try to protect his heart this week. Just one smile from Jaehyun and all his stupid self preservation plans were out the window.

For half a second, Juyeon hates that he’s in love.

He turns on Netflix and looks around the movies and shows on there. He really isn’t in the mood for a romance movie, it’s going to put him in a really mushy and soft mood and he can’t cuddle with Jaehyun right now. Not this week. Bad Juyeon! Don’t think about cuddling Jaehyun!

When Jaehyun’s back, he places all the snacks on the table and sits down uncomfortably close to Juyeon. The brunet feels his heart beat a little fast, but he’s had enough training to know how to appear calm. He lies back on his couch and lets Jaehyun place his head on his shoulder. That’s just how they always did things.

It was totally platonic.

“I’m really feeling a cheesy romance, let’s watch the notebook” The brunet says and Juyeon doesn’t find it in him to stop him. He just agrees and puts the movie on. He knows how much he’s going to cry already. Instead of focusing on the movie, Juyeon focuses on his best friend.

He looks at the way his eyes flutter when tears well up, at how he smiles when something sweet happens, at how his face morphs into endearment when cute romantic scenes come on. They’ve watched this movie together around 20 times and Juyeon could still not tell you what actually happens, he’s always too busy looking at Jaehyun when he’s watching anyways.

It’s the end, and the tears are almost falling. When the first tear is released, the younger reaches his hand to wipe it away gently. He’s careful to be as soft as possible.

No matter how many times they watch this movie, Jae always cries.

He knew this would happen but the flood gates are open again and his heart just overflows with all the love he holds for his childhood friend. His arm finds its way around the other’s shoulder and he cuddles him close to calm him down.

Jaehyun is probably one of the cutest people he’s met. He always acts tough and cool and hot and confident, and then he goes and does shit like this; that just makes Juyeon melt instantly.

Juyeon sighs, he really failed this week. Maybe next time.

“Dahyun and I want to invite you for dinner together with us, wanna come?” Juyeon smiles when he hears the other ask that. He just got out of the shower and he’s drying his hair in the living room. “Also can you put on a shirt?”

He hears the second sentence but it’s softer and shyer. He chuckles and reaches for a random shirt and puts it on.

“Yeah, I’ll go, but are you sure you want me to come?” He asks raising in eyebrow.

“Yeah, Dahyun says she wants to see you too”

“Alright, where are we going?”

“There’s this really good Italian place we both go to often. Put on a nice shirt” The older says before leaving the room rather hurriedly.

Juyeon chuckles at that. He’s not sure what he’s so shy about but Jaehyun’s always so uptight when it comes to levels of undress in the house. Juyeon can never walk around shirtless in the living room, for some reason.

He pulls out a random black shirt and a pair of nice jeans and puts them on. He decides this time, he’s going to style his hair so he takes the extra fifteen minutes to make it look good. He passes a hand over his chest while he looks at his reflection on the mirror in his room. He thinks he looks pretty good. Juyeon had a pretty simple and modest fashion sense compared to Jaehyun but he thought he looked pretty good.

He gets out of the room and sees Jaehyun waiting for him on his phone.

“Oh you’re ready!” the brunet can tell Jaehyun is trying to act cool. “What are you looking so good for? Trying to steal my girlfriend?” He teases.

Juyeon laughs and shrugs “I’m gay Jae”

“Right” It seems to fluster Jaehyun to hear that. It’s so curious.

They walk out of the house, locking the door before leaving for the restaurant. It’s quite a walk, but neither of them have a car even if they both have a license. When they get to the restaurant, Dahyun is already there. She notices them pretty quickly and gets up to greet Jaehyun with a kiss on the lips.

“Hey babe! You guys sure took your time!” She says jokingly but Juyeon doesn’t register anything that’s actually being said. He thinks the two are having a conversation, but all he sees is Jae’s hand around her waist and the way she clings to him.

“Ju? You okay?” He snaps out of his bitter reverie and nods absent-mindedly. Dahyun regards him with a worried look and suddenly, he feels so guilty.

“Hey babe? Will you go get us some drinks? The bar is open” Jaehyun agrees straight away and gets up to bring drinks. He knows what everyone wants already.

When they’re left alone, Dahyun puts her attention back on Juyeon. She looks at him with a worried expression.

“Listen, I know, and I want you to know I’ll back off if…it hurts you too much. I won’t leave him but I can be a little less…affectionate. I love him, but I can see it’s hurting you a lot.” Juyeon smiles, of course she would. She’s such a nice girl it makes him want to laugh. She’s so nice and caring.

“I’m sorry you have to worry about my feelings, but don’t worry okay? I can handle it. He’s really happy with you, don’t stop making him happy.”

The look she gives him is filled with worry and guilt. There’s a hint of pity there, like she can just imagine how painful this entire situation is to him. He doesn’t need this, he doesn’t want her to worry for him. He can handle this. He can do this. It’s fine. He doesn’t want her to worry about anything.

So when Jaehyun comes back, he hides it all. He stuffs all of his feelings in a box and buries it deep inside his heart. Tonight, he was Juyeon the best childhood friend, here to hype his best friend on his date with his girlfriend.

They order food and start eating. Juyeon keeps cracking stupid jokes the entire time. He ignores the little stabs everytime Jae leans over to his girlfriend to whisper something or kiss her. He teases them when they act all lovey dovey and tries to enjoy the presence of the two of them as much of possible.

It’s actually a great night. He has a lot of fun and he thinks about all the times he made Jae laugh or smile and everything he looked genuinely happy. It fills him with pride. He pays for the three of them, because he was a gentleman.

“We were supposed to invite you…” the older says.

“You’re ridiculous. It’s fine, you guys will invite me at your wedding” He says in a joking manner.

Dahyun and Jaehyun both flush deeply and he decides that’s enough for the night.

“I should probably go now. I got practice tomorrow morning and I can’t stay out too much” The two nod and smile at him, waving him goodbye. He walks home alone. He reaches for inside his pant pocket to take out a cigarette. He lights it up and smokes like his current wellbeing depends on it. He’s not even halfway home when he takes out another.

It’s really dark out, and the idea of being home right now does not bring him joy at all. So he follows Marie Kondo’s advice and decides to toss that idea out of the window for the time being. There’s a playground on the way home, he gets in the park, climbing over the fence, cigarette held tightly in between his lips.

When his feet touch the ground, it starts raining a little. He laughs. It must paint such a pathetic image of him. A lonely man, alone in a playground, cigarette in mouth and drenched to the bone, is such a sad image.

He shrugs and walks over to the swings and sits on the already wet seat. He looks around the playground. It looks a lot like the one he and Jaehyun used to play in when they were kids. It was small and badly kept but there was small playhouse where the two of them would play house together. He was the dad and Jaehyun was always the mom for a reason.

He chuckles to himself.

For a whole two weeks he handled everything so well, but now he needed to let himself go. He feels a little tear fall down his cheek and his hand is halfway there to wipe it away but he decides to just let himself cry. So he lets himself cry for a bit. It feels like hours of just crying, sobbing and smoking tasteless cigarettes when he finally decides to go home.

When he gets home, he realizes Jaehyun hasn’t gotten home and he sighs in relief. He really didn’t want to worry the other with his current state. He places his soaked things on the table and walks to his room. He peels his clothes off himself and stares at his reflection on the mirror.

He sighs and opts out of drying his hair. He just lies on his bed and lets himself drift into a dreamless sleep.

It’s been a week since they finished their semester. It’s deep into summer now and it’s really hot so Juyeon doesn’t really leave the house much. He’s too sensitive to the heat and doesn’t like sweating. That morning, he had woken up early and had made a picnic for Jaehyun and his girlfriend to have on the Han river.

It’s around 3 pm right now and his best friend had been out for a good two hours. He’s not counting, he just knows. He has the window opened and has a cigarette resting comfortably in his hand.

He jumps a little, because the door opens abruptly and shuts very violently. He finds Jaehyun standing disheveled and furious on the doorstep. He quickly gets rid of his cigarette and hurries to his friends’ side.

“Jae? What’s wrong?!” He asks. There is no picnic basket and no happy smile on Jaehyun’s face. He can only imagine what happened. The other is removing his shoes dismissing the brunet.

“It’s nothing leave me alone.” He looks and sounds so upset, Juyeon can’t let it happen.

He crouches down to Jaehyun’s level, on the ground unlacing his shoes, and places a reassuring hand on the others head. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. Just talk to me, we’ll find a solution together okay?” He says calmly and starts caressing the others hair.

Jaehyun seems to visibly calm down under the administrations of Juyeon. He sighs but nods and gets up after having removed his shoes.

“I had a fight with Dahyun”

“I figured, what was it about?”

“She was upset I asked you to make the picnic for us and kept pestering me about it. She then told me to leave you alone and not bother you too much but…you’re my best friend!? I’m not bothering you! I know! And she kept talking about how I should trust her about this and I just got so angry. She won’t even explain.”

It’s a little painful to hear that you were the cause of the fight between your crush and the person they like. He sighs and passes a hand through his hair. He holds out his hand, waiting for Jaehyun to take it and when the older does, he smiles at him.

“It’s gonna be okay. She’s just worried about me, I think she doesn’t want me to do too much for you guys cuz she doesn’t want to bother me. You know how nice she is. She cares too much” Juyeon says calmly, ignoring the thumping in his heart, and sitting Jaehyun down on the couch next to him.

The older grumbles and plops himself on Juyeon’s shoulder. As he usually does.

“I know I just…I know you the best and sometimes she acts like she knows more than me and…it annoys me. You’re my best friend” There’s an evident flush on the older’s face, like he’s embarrassed to admit that.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous” Juyeon says teasingly.

“I’m not! It’s just the truth!” He pouts. Juyeon doesn’t feel too good.

The brunet agrees just to get his friend to calm down. He holds onto him tightly and sighs, his cheek squished against the other’s head. He feels so good and he can feel Jaehyun relaxing against him. Their hands let go of each other so that Juyeon can hold onto the other tightly, hands secured around his waist. He doesn’t see the way Jae flushes, or hear the thumping of his heart.

“I’m your best friend, so don’t worry alright? You never bother me” He hears Jaehyun gasp and grumble something. He knows. That wasn’t the only reason why Jaehyun was so upset.

He places a platonic and innocent kiss on the top of his best friends’ head and smiles. It’s a little self indulgence and a lot of affection towards the other. It’s really platonic though, he doesn’t mean it in a romantic way, more in a comforting way. He means it in a ‘I’ll always be there for you’ kind of way.

“Okay?” He asks again, because Jaehyun hasn’t said anything for the past 10 minutes.

“Okay” Jaehyun responds, flustered. They don’t really move from their positions until Juyeon starts getting hungry. It’s both a sad and lovely afternoon.

It was really weird. Ever since the fight with Dahyun, and that time Juyeon helped him calm down, Jae’s been having really weird feelings in his stomach every time he sees Juyeon just out and about.

Well, he can’t lie and say he’s never had those stupid feelings before, because it would happen when Juyeon would stupidly walk around the living room shirtless, or when he’d do something unbelievably nice to him, or when he just existed as his sweet and soft self.

Jaehyun remembers when they were in High school, and Juyeon had found about those girls who were being harassed by a guy in their class and he stepped out and helped them out. That day, seeing Juyeon helping the others out, and angrily fighting for complete strangers had done a strange thing to Jaehyun’s heart.

Jaehyun’s straight though, 100% heterosexual, so he figures it’s probably just admiration for his best friend.

But now, he’s always flustered around Juyeon. It’s really problematic, because when it’s movie night and they’re cuddling, he’ll feel his heart thumping really loudly against his ribcage. When Juyeon does something nice for him, he’ll feel his face flushing. Hell, even Juyeon smoking, which he hates, he now feels little butterflies in his stomach.

Things are still not back to normal with Dahyun, because they’re taking a break and he finds he’s been spending a lot of time with Juyeon ever since that day. Whatever time he’d usually spend in his room, he now spends in the living room with the younger. The younger always smiles when he sees him, but in a different way than anyone else.

Like he’s just glad Jaehyun exists. He smiles in such a wonderfully innocent way that, Jaehyun keeps going to the living room just to see the smile again. Even though he knows the weird feeling keeps increasing every time he sees the smile. He’s so weirded out by this entire situation and thinks maybe he should tell someone about it but he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s going to cheat on his girlfriend with his best friend.

He decides maybe this little crisis will be over sooner or later and doesn’t need his attention. He focuses instead on just enjoying the time with Juyeon. No matter what those feelings are, he’ll surely be able to control them, right?

見違い

Juyeon doesn’t like his ugly part. His ugly part, the really raw and mean one, is kind of glad Jaehyun and Dahyun are taking a break. He hates that he likes it so much.

But, he gets to spend so much more time with the other and whenever Jae would be free they’d go out together on those little friend dates and they’d have such a great time and Juyeon can’t help it okay? He’s in love. He can’t help it. 

It’s maybe mean and ugly but the little voice in his head keeps telling him to just enjoy it instead. They’re going to get back together sooner or later and he shouldn’t waste this precious opportunity. So he acts as selfish as he can, and constantly takes Jaehyun out, just to have him to himself.

He’ll make Jaehyun his favourite food, he’ll let him choose the movies they watch, he’ll spoil him in the simplest ways really. It made him happy.

Whenever someone would ask, he’d just pass it with the excuse of just caring for his best friend through hard times but the looks Jacob and Sangyeon give him are always the same. It’s a ‘we know but we won’t say anything’ face. He knows that they know. He’s essentially living in a big lie right now, telling himself things will be okay when he knows how crushed he’ll feel when the older and Dahyun get back together.

It’s a Friday in early August, he’s smoking his third cigarette of the day; you might think it’s not so bad but it’s only 10 am. He inhales the toxins and lets out a sigh. Jaehyun is out today, with Hyunjun, apparently the younger just came back from his vacation in China, so the older wanted to see him.

Juyeon finishes his cigarette and is about to get another one, when his phone tings. It’s a message from an unknown contact and he decides to check who sent him the message.

**Unknown[10:13]:** hey is this Juyeon?

**Unknown[10:13]:** Idk if you remember we met at a pub? My name is Seokmin

**Unknown[10:13]:** Oh god what if I just messaged a psychopath nvm please ignore this

Juyeon chuckles at the messages. Seokmin did look like a funny and adorable person when they met. He does remember him too, since their chat was really nice and Seokmin was an overall sweet person.

He answers back and adds him to his friends.

**Me[10:15]: **Hey it’s Juyeon what’s up?

**Me[10:15]: **Also how did you find my contact info?

**Seokmin[10:15]: **I have my ways

**Seokmin[10:16]: **Would you meet up with me at the Pub tonight?

The brunet thinks about it a little and decides to just agree. What could possibly happen? Plus, he kind of regretted not getting this guy’s number. He looked so friendly and kind, it really was a shame they couldn’t talk for so long. He guesses that it has to be important if Seokmin looked for his contact information so frantically.

He agrees and tells him to meet him there at 8 the same night and the other just sends a thumbs up. It’s still early but he can’t wait to go out and have a break.

He did love having Jaehyun all to himself but, it was quite taxing to hide your feelings from someone you spend 24/7 of your time with. He was exhausted and just needed to let it all go for just one night.

He ends up leaving his pack on the coffee table and moves to the kitchen to quickly prepare lunch or dinner for Jaehyun before he gets home since he won’t be there. Juyeon thinks it’s really ironic how perfect Jae is good at everything but cooking. Even if when they played house, Jaehyun always faked failing his dishes so that Juyeon would cook instead.

Juyeon thinks that’s why he’d grown to love cooking so much. Not only was it an essential skill but Jaehyun loved food, it made him happy to watch the older eat and enjoy the meals he made for him.

When he’s done cooking, he places the food in a small Tupperware and places it on the kitchen counter. He thinks of writing a note, maybe something nice for the other to come back to. Knowing him it could be something along the lines of ‘I love you’ and he can’t have that so he opts out of the note. It’s only 2pm, and there’s still 6 hours to go but he’s too anxious to stay home.

He gets dressed, in a simple outfit again, and grabs his things before leaving the house. The sun is hitting really strongly, and Juyeon half wishes he had applied sunscreen this morning like he usually did. If he got a sunburn it was going to hurt like a bitch. As he’s walking away from his apartment building, he thinks about what his options are.

Should he go to the mall? Maybe Goto Mall was a good idea? Or he could just sit down in a random café and play on his phone. The café was probably his best option right now so he walks over to his favourite one.

Of course, this one also has deeply rooted memories he associates with Jaehyun. At this point though, however cheesy that might sound to an outsider, Juyeon knows that Jaehyun is his sun. He is merely the earth that turns around it.

He chuckles to himself at this cheesy thought and enters the café. It’s quiet, it was too hot for anyone to go out today, only jaehyun and he would risk the august sun. He walks over to the counter, orders his coffee and sits down in a corner, away from people.

There’s a guy not too far from him, he’s small, but has a sharp expression and he looks a little pissed. His hair is a very light blond and it’s cropped and short. He’s wearing shorts and an oversized black t-shirt and…were those slides?

For some reason Juyeon never understood the appeal of those things. They looked pretty ugly. He doesn’t realize he’s staring until the guy starts glaring at him. He quickly turns his eyes away. This guy kind of looked familiar though, where did he see him? He shrugs the thought away and decides to focus his attention on a game on his phone.

The guy however had other plans, he walks over to Juyeon’s table and mechanically sits down in front of him. Juyeon raises his eyes to look at the guy. He doesn’t seem angry, just a little grumpy. Now that he’s closer, Juyeon thinks he looks really cute.

“Are you playing cookie run” it’s not a question, but an assertion. He knows Juyeon is playing cookie run. 

Juyeon just nods because yes he was, and the guy must know this game perfectly to just know from the little bit of music coming out. They spend the rest of the afternoon together, talking about the video games that they play and what movies they like.

Apparently the guy’s name is Jihoon and he’s works in design. He remembers now, that he’s seen this guy in a magazine. For half a second, Juyeon’s mind wanders to another world, where he got over Jaehyun and fell in love with this guy, and for half a second he feels okay with that.

But quickly, the idea fills him with a dark feeling.

He isn’t ready yet. He swears, he swears he’ll do something about it, soon, but not yet. He can’t let it go just yet. Call it foolish hopefulness, but he can’t let the idea of being in love of Jaehyun go. He could almost laugh at the thought.

At around 7pm, he realizes he’s been out for a little too long and should probably start making his way to the pub if he wants to get a seat for him and Seokmin to sit at. He waves his new friend goodbye, making sure to save his number, and leaves the café.

Jaehyun once told him it was ridiculous how easily he made friends, and that one of his biggest flaws was how gullible and stupid he was. Jaehyun was right. Juyeon trusted this guy and they had only known each other for 5 hours.

But it’s okay, so far, he had Jaehyun to slap sense out of him when he was too trusting.

He doesn’t think about how he should start detaching himself from Jaehyun if things with Dahyun start getting even more serious.

There’s another cigarette in his mouth now.

When he gets to the pub, it’s already pretty packed. He doesn’t expect anything less from a pub on a Friday night to be completely fair. He enters the place and peruses around to find a couple empty seats but he finds that Seokmin is already there, with another guy?

The guy is tall, even sat down, and he’s really well built. He has his silver hair well styled, and it looks amazing against the tan of his skin. He’s wearing a simple white tee and some ripped jeans and it looks like the table is too low for him because his long legs just won’t fit under there. Juyeon can only imagine the pain. Juyeon notices they’re holding hands. Huh.

He doesn’t know if he should go over to their table but Seokmin beats him to it and waves him over. The other is smiling from ear to ear and looks absolutely delighted to see Juyeon.

“Juyeon! Come over!” Seokmin shouts loudly and Juyeon quickly makes his way over to them. The tan guy next to Seokmin has a small smile on his face. He looks like a puppy kind of.

“Hey, how have you been?” He asks as he gets himself seated. Seokmin grins at him and turns to the other guy. He clings onto the other’s arm and smiles widely.

“I want you to meet Mingyu”

“Hey” The tanned man says shyly. He looks less forward than the brunet but seems like a pretty confident guy. It’s a cute gap.

“Hey, I’m Juyeon, it’s nice to meet you”

“Likewise”

“Alright enough with the niceties! Juyeon, this is my boyfriend Mingyu” The man puts an emphasis on the word boyfriend this time.

Juyeon’s mind short-circuits for a minute because sure it looked pretty obvious but he didn’t expect Seok to say it so loudly. He can see Mingyu was in a similar situation to his and was blushing a furious red.

“Babe!”

“Sorry, I got excited”

There’s an endeared exasperation on the taller’s face, like he knows Seokmin and of course he’d do that but he still loves him for it. It’s so fond and lovely. His mind almost goes back to thinking about Jae. Almost.

“Care to explain?” Juyeon speaks up finally.

“He’s the guy I was telling you about when we met”

Oh. Oh, of course. So it worked out for him? Something unexplicable happens right then to Juyeon. His heart fills with joy and fondness for his new friend. He felt so happy. It felt hopeful too, that he had confessed to his straight friend and they were now…dating!? He was a little envious but overall was so happy for the other.

“How did it happen? Tell me everything”

Seokmin spends the rest of the night telling him about their story, while Mingyu occasionally interrupts to input a detail or two that he found of the utmost important. Apparently, Seokmin had decided to just be honest about his feelings and had a serious talk with Mingyu. The other, who was actually bisexual but had never said anything, had actually given up on his feelings for Seokmin because he thought the other would never reciprocate and tried moving on. They were such an adorable couple and kept clinging to each other. He thinks a little about what kind of couple Jaehyun and he would make.

At some point that night, he gets a call and excuses himself to answer. His friends tell him it’s okay and he walks out of the bar for a few minutes to respond. He checks the caller ID.

It’s Jaehyun.

“Hello?”

‘Hey, where are you? It’s been hours and you’re not home yet…’ The older asks, there’s an edge to his voice.

“hey, sorry I’m out with a friend at a pub, are you okay?”

‘I…yes yes everything is fine, I was just really worried. When are you coming back?’

“Soon, don’t worry. Do you need anything?”

‘No I got groceries on the way back….” That’s not what he had meant but he decides not to correct his best friend. There’s a silence and for Juyeon thinks Jaehyun ended the call. He hears the other clear his throat, “thank you for the meal by the way, it was really good”

Juyeon smiles and looks out to the street in front of him. There’s a lot of young people bar hoping and enjoying their time. He wishes Jaehyun was here, even though that’s completely against what he wanted this morning. He was a foolish man.

‘Come home soon’

“I will. Don’t stay up too late though” He hears the older laugh.

‘I should be telling you that’ he laughs and they bid each other goodbye. He gets back to his table with Seokmin and Mingyu. There’s a drink in front of him. He raises an eyebrow at the two and Mingyu answers that it’s a thank you, for being the reason they’re together. If it hadn’t been for Juyeon, they would have perhaps never known or dated each other.

“I didn’t do anything, you confessed and put yourself out there you know”

“I know but still, you really pushed me that night. Speaking of which, who was that? Your partner?” The brunet realizes he’s speaking of his call with Jae and it makes him laugh.

“Nah, I wish”

“Oh no”

“Oh yes” Seokmin regards him with a pout. “Why don’t you do what you told me to do?”

Juyeon doesn’t answer for the longest while, and the two others seem to be patiently waiting for him to. He tries to think about what good excuse he could use in this situation. Seokmin and Mingyu look so…genuine though and he doesn’t feel good about lying to them.

“I’m not ready”

“Not ready?” The older repeats inquisitively.

“Yeah, I’m not ready to move on” The two of them let out an ‘oh’ and they both give him that same smile everyone gives him when they hear of it. He smiles back, his usual happy smile.

“It’s okay, I love him. I don’t want it to stop yet”

“But Ju you’re hurting yourself…” It’s the taller that speaks this time.

“I might but, I think you’ll understand what I mean when I say that loving him is one of the most rewarding things in my life right now. It really…he really brings me so much joy. Spending time with him, speaking to him, just loving him; it’s so fulfilling. Nothing’s ever made me as happy as I feel when I’m with him.” He gasps when he finds out that he’s been ranting about his feelings for Jae and flushes a little, apologizing.

The two others just smile at him and tell him that it’s okay. That they understand. They spend the rest of the night talking, about how much he loves Jaehyun, about all the things that make his heart melt, and he knows they’re just indulging him because he’s never had the chance to just vomit all his feelings out.

It feels great.

It’s 2 am when they all decide to go home. Before he leaves, the two tell him about the party they’re having at their place, and tell him to come with Jaehyun if he wanted. He accepts and tells them he’ll let them know if he’s coming as soon as possible.

He feels a little guilty since he promised Jaehyun he’d be back soon but he spent more time than expected gushing about him. He waves the couple goodbye and hurries back home. The walk is quick and he gets home fairly quickly. When he’s home, he opens the door quietly and sees all the lights turned off.

Oh, he must be asleep then. He’s a little sad the other didn’t wait but it was already 2 am and he couldn’t expect that from his friend. He quickly and quietly makes his way to his room and gets ready for bed. It’s really hot tonight, so he opts out of wearing a shirt and instead just puts on his joggers.

Just when he’s laid himself in bed and got comfortable, there’s a very soft knock on the door. He tells the other to come in, and he finds Jae in is oversized tee and joggers on the doorway of his room. It’s two am and his lovesick mind kind of goes to all kinds of places.

“Hey…”

“Hey…Did I wake you up?”

“No…I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Oh okay…good” He replies awkwardly. The other stands there, biting on his lip while Juyeon stares at him with his usual lovesick face. He could almost say he had hearts in his eyes. The other shuffles closer to his bed and nervously sits there.

“This is going to sound so weird but…can I sleep with you tonight?”

Of course, juyeon’s stupid brain shuts down there and then and won’t freaking turn back on anymore. He doesn’t know what to answer and just blurts out a very shocked “what?!” which makes the older cringe a little.

“Sorry that was stupid I…” Juyeon isn’t about to let that chance go though, fuck the reason he thinks, as he reaches for the other’s shirt and pulls him to his side.

The older yelps, falling on the bed. He groans but makes himself comfortable close to Juyeon nonetheless. They’re facing each other now, Juyeon’s grip on the other’s shirt unmoving.

“It wasn’t stupid, I just…didn’t expect that” Jae just nods. He looks so preoccupied, his lower lip is red.

“Mind telling me what’s on your mind?” he risks.

“I…” The other thinks for a few seconds “Hyunjun told me it’s time to get back with Dahyun, since things were going so well between the two of us, but I don’t know I’ve been so weird lately. I don’t know how I feel anymore Ju…I’m scared I might be making a bad decision.” Ahh so that was what was preoccupying him. He was so worried over his feelings.

“You don’t know what you’re feeling?”

“Yeah like, when I’m thinking about Dahyun now it’s different. It’s not all mushy as it used to be.”

“Maybe that just means the honeymoon phase is over.”

“Maybe…I don’t know I just, I don’t want to waste her time. I don’t want to be with someone because everyone is telling me to be with them.”

“Hey…it’s okay. Just take your time and think about it. Here tell you what, why don’t you get back together with her but let her know how you’re feeling. Talk it out, and maybe the feelings will come back or no, that’s okay. Just don’t throw the relationship away just yet. Maybe the break was a little too long” He says it all trying to keep the coolest expression but his heart feels like it’s breaking.

He doesn’t want Jaehyun to miss his chance of love, of building a family.

“Yeah…I guess you’re right…Is it still okay if I sleep here…It reminds me of when we were kids so…”

“Yeah…yeah of course, just make yourself comfortable.” The brunet says quietly and the other takes his words very seriously because he gets closer and puts his head on the taller’s shoulder. Juyeon doesn’t help himself either because his arms naturally find their way around the other’s middle, holding him tightly.

Jaehyun hums softly and smiles before closing his eyes and falling asleep. He falls asleep so quickly, while Juyeon is having a mild stroke. His heart is beating so fast against his ribcage he’s kind of shocked it hasn’t woken Jae up. He’s sweating and he can feel his face flushing a deep read. This is what he imagined it would be like holding Jae. No, actually this was even better. His skin was so soft and beautiful and he couldn’t help but trace little hearts on the older’s arm as he slept.

“This is bad” He whispers to himself. “This is so wrong.”

He doesn’t sleep that night. Nor the nights after.

It takes them a week but Dahyun and Jaehyun get back together rather quickly. It only takes a talk and a date and Dahyun forgives him for being a little bitch and gets back together with him. For some reason, it doesn’t feel as good as he thought and expected it would. It felt weird and he just felt so confused about the entire situation.

Why was he not as happy as he used to be? Why weren’t things the way they used to be? And for the love of God why did he keep thinking about Juyeon. It was starting to get unhealthy. He kept feeling his stomach flip everytime the other so much as smiled at him and he hated how weak he felt.

He kept thinking about sleeping on Juyeon’s naked shoulder, or being held. He just felt so small, so vulnerable when he was around the other. He wanted to curl against him and stay there. Feeling protected by Juyeon must be such a nice feeling.

At some point, he even thinks of…really bad things. He can’t even tell anyone about it, because the thought is so obsene and shameful that he felt guilty just imagining his friend in this situation.

He wonders, how Juyeon is as a lover. He wonders how it feels to kiss him and be with him.

He doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t tell Juyeon he’s back with Dahyun. He doesn’t even mention her after that. It’s dirty and secretive but, he’s secretly hoping he’ll have the chance of spending more time with him.

“I’m straight” He tells himself every time. Every time these thoughts come on, he tells himself, he reminds himself he’s straight. There’s no way, no way these feelings are real. He’s confused. He’s going through a mid life crisis in his twenties! That’s right! That’s got to be it. He was always more mature than others, that makes total sense.

He knows it doesn’t, but the thought is comforting.

It’s a Saturday night and Juyeon is smoking a cigarette on his and Jae’s couch. Jae is in his room, getting ready. The last week was weird. Juyeon thought the older would have gotten back together with Dahyun by now but there had been no news and he was seriously starting to get worried.

He nervously pick at his thumb finger as he waits for Jae. The other was getting ready for the party Seokmin and Mingyu had invited them too. The older didn’t know them, but he had agreed so quickly when Juyeon invited him that it surprised the younger. Did he want to party that bad? He guesses it’s because it’s been a while since he’d been dating Dahyun.

The brunet has his hair styled again, he’s wearing a white shirt and tight black jeans. He kind of wants to look hot for the night. He wants Jaehyun to look at him, as ridiculous as that sounds. Jaehyun is as straight as it gets but he’s at least hoping for a compliment. The other finally leaves his room and Juyeon quickly puts off his cigarette.

He looks up and sees the most beautiful man in the world in front of him. He nervously gets up, like some guy waiting for his prom date.

Jaehyun was wearing a tight black t-shirt with white trousers that made his legs go on for days. His hair was up, away from his face and it just made him look so regal. For a few minutes, Juyeon doesn’t say a single word and instead just admires the other. He looks so gorgeous, so regal. His throat dries considerably.

Jaehyun is also looking at him. His expression is unreadable, but his eyes are so intensely focused on Juyeon that the brunet almost thinks Jae finds him good looking. They stay that way for a few minutes until Jaehyun clears his throat and walks towards Juyeon, slowly.

When he’s in front of the younger, he gives him a smile and whispers a soft “You look good” and Juyeon’s mind goes party mode.

All the little Juyeons in his brain are celebrating, shaking hands. We’ve done it boys, he said we looked good.

“You look…really good too” He sees the way the older’s cheeks get a little red, but he looks away too quickly to be sure.

“Let’s go…yeah?”

“Yeah”

As they make their way there, Juyeon keeps his hands occupied with a cigarette, nervously smoking it, to keep him away from holding onto Jaehyun. His other hand is securely in his pocket.

Jaehyun is awfully quiet too, not uttering a single word. Mingyu’s house is around 15 minutes away from where Jae and he live, so it takes them a little while to get there. When they do, they get inside to find the place already packed with people. There’s already people making out in the corners of the room. Juyeon’s arm makes its way around Jaehyun’s shoulder to keep him close and not lose him. He looks around the room, to find Mingyu or Seokmin, either is fine, just to say hi.

When he finds the two, they’re in the kitchen having a chat with their friends. Juyeon walks over to them and he greets them and introduces Jaehyun, who shyly greets the others.

“Hey! Juyeon told us so much about you! Join us! Let’s have a drink together” Mingyu says, friendly. The alcohol really makes him even more like a puppy than expected.

They sit down with everyone, and get themselves a few drinks to relax and cool down. All the tenseness they were feeling slowly dissolves into content. Now they can have fun Juyeon thinks. They’re talking to Mingyu, when suddenly a song Juyeon really likes comes on and, in his alcohol filled mind, he gets up confidently to go dance.

He’s here to enjoy himself and he’s going to do it.

He knows he’s not half bad, and he moves around the dance floor, along with the rest of the people. He feels a heavy gaze on him, but he doesn’t look up to see who it is. He’s too scared of being disappointed, and he doesn’t want to be sad right now. He keeps moving to the music, hips moving along with the rhythm. Sometimes he’ll feel bold, and do a move that’s a little more out there, and he can just feel the gaze intensifying on him.

Shit.

He feels like he’s on fire.

He’s sweating at this point. The dance floor is hot and heavy. He passes a hand in his hair and looks up when another song comes on. It’s another one of his favorites. He actually discovered it because of Jaehyun, so he accidentally looks over to him to know if he’s listening as well.

The song is Fire meets gasoline.

He feels like he’s fire right now, when he realizes it really is Jaehyun’s gaze that’s been burning against him the entire time. It looks like Mingyu and his friends are chatting while Jaehyun is reclined against the bar, eyes heavily gazing at Juyeon.

He feels really hot. Suddenly it’s like he’s ablaze.

He moves around with the music, attentive to his every move, eyes never leaving Jaehyun. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but if it means it can get Jaehyun to look at him that way, then he’ll gladly keep doing it.

He sees Jaehyun wet his lips, a few times, and take hurried gulps of his drink before roughly shoving the glass away from him.

They’ve been staring at each other for what seems like forever, but none of them will look away. It’s so intense. It’s like there’s electricity in the air. It’s like, every look Jaehyun gives him, Juyeon just burns hotter and more alive. `

Unconsciouly, Jaehyun and Juyeon get closer. Jae joins him on the dance floor and he moves against Juyeon, in such a lovely and beautiful way, that Juyeon feels like his skin is burning when it finds its way to Jaehyun’s hips.

God.

This is the best feeling ever.

Juyeon is supposed to control himself, but he wants what he wants. He needs to get it. He doesn’t control himself, and pulls Jaehyun flush against his chest. He holds onto him like he’s holding onto dear life. His lips somehow find a way to the others’ neck-shoulder junction, and he leaves light kisses there.

His mind is literally only screaming the older’s name, again and again and again. He hears the other gasp when he starts kissing him there, but he doesn’t hear any protesting or disagreeing from him. Instead, the other pulls himself even closer to him, his arms holding onto his neck for support.

“Shit” the older gasps.

Juyeon lets his mouth wonder up, up, until it reaches the other’s jaw, cheek and eventually lips. When he finally, finally gets there, it’s like their lips fit perfectly against each other. It’s like everything clicks. It’s like those cheesy soulmate movies where everything suddenly makes sense because you just kissed the love of your life.

He’s tightly holding onto the other, hands rough against his hips. They’re so small compared to his hands. He thinks he might leave bruises there if he’s not careful but right now the only thing he actually cares about is kissing Jae. They’ll deal with the bruises another time.

He kisses him roughly, biting onto the other’s lips, needily. 

He hears Jaehyun moan and it goes straight down to his groin. Shit, he needs to calm down. If he doesn’t stop now, who knows where this could lead him. He starts letting go but just when he does, Jaehyun shoves him against a wall and holds onto the other’s collar, kissing him still.

They’re full on making out now. Once in a while, Jaehyun will let out a little sounds, that’ll just put the younger into another round of frenzy. Everytime he thinks about stopping, Jaehyun makes another one of his sounds, or his caresses, or his moves, and the younger will growl and roughly kiss him again. At this point, he’s entrapped the older between his arms, against the wall. He can fell the brunet’s hands making their way to his back pocket and he groans. He’s really going there huh.

It feels like hours when they finally pull away from each other and he lets out a sigh when they do. He looks absolutely gorgeous like this, lips parted, bruised red, hair messy and looking disheveled. He loves this man. He loves him so deeply and strongly that he doesn’t directly think about the huge mistake he’s just made. He doesn’t think about how fucked up this entire situation is.

Just as he’s about to say something, Jaehyun shoves him away. It looks like he finally realized what they’d just done. The older’s face is flushed red and he looks devastated.

“Jae-“ And before he’s even had the time to finish, the older was already out, away from him. Juyeon looks at his back as he quickly walks away from the party, away from Juyeon. He doesn’t follow after him, he’s aware of how badly he’d just fucked up. His mind runs a million miles an hour. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s going to do now. He knows he can’t go home.

He doesn’t even know if he can call that place home anymore, when he’s just…pushed his feelings on his best friend so badly. His hands find their way to his hair. He looks around and notices the bar where Mingyu and the others are. None of them seems to have seen what just went down. Perfect.

He starts moving mechanically. He makes his way to the bar and grabs one of the bigger stronger bottles. He walks out from the back door, sits down on the back porch and puts the bottle right next to him. There’s a couple making out out here, and it’s just giving Juyeon all kinds of bitter feelings.

The brunet gets his back of cigarettes from his back pocket and takes a cigarette out from the box, lighting it up and inhaling sharply.

Fuck this. Fuck his feelings. Fuck him from not having been ready. He’d ruined everything now.

He opens the bottle of alcohol and takes a big gulp from it. That’s right, he’s going to act like a giant baby now. He’s going to get completely drunk, completely wasted and hopefully, he’ll forget all about all the mistakes he’d done so far. No one bothers him, he looks pretty out of it he thinks, and that’s probably why no one will talk to him now.

He spends the rest of the night that way, up until he gets too tired to stay awake and falls asleep right there on the porch. It’s his first time sleeping in days.

Jaehyun thinks he’s going mad. He’s all the way home, he basically ran there. His mind is a mess, everything is going too fast after everything felt so slow. He doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Is he gay? Why did he like it so much? Why did Juyeon kiss him so lovingly? Did Juyeon like him? Wait, what if he didn’t want to kiss Jaehyun but he got in the mood because of him and now Jaehyun fucked up their relationship? He touches his lips a little, shortly remembering the feeling of Juyeon against him. 

His brain just kind of shuts down right as he gets to his room. He can’t think of anything anymore, because his head hurts and his heart is heavy. He enjoyed it so much, it felt so good. It felt so good to have Juyeon hold him so sweetly. It felt so good to kiss the other. But it didn’t make sense!

Was he really straight? He wasn’t if he enjoyed kissing a boy…right? But he was so sure he’s only every liked girls.

He starts biting on his lower lip, strangely, he misses the smell of Juyeon’s cigarette. Why did he miss that gross smell? Oh no, there’s definitely something wrong with him now. He can’t be around Juyeon anymore, if he is, he’s going to hurt the other. There’s something wrong with him, maybe he broke. He doesn’t want to hurt Juyeon. He doesn’t want Juyeon to think he’s trying anything with him just because he’s confused and doesn’t understand.

He feels so guilty, so confused. He wonders what Juyeon is doing right now. He doesn’t know if the younger will come home. He waits for a couple hours, anxiously awaiting the sound of his front door opening. Nothing comes. Juyeon never comes home.

It’s around 3 am that Jaehyun realizes maybe he needed to do something. He couldn’t let Juyeon suffer because he himself didn’t understand what was happening. He didn’t want to see his best friend hurt. So he decides, in the darkness of his room, that he would stop talking to Juyeon. It was for the better. He knew that being around the other and speaking to him did all kinds of weird things to his heart. He couldn’t risk what happened tonight again.

He’s going to protect Juyeon.

He’s going to protect his heart and get this shit figured out.

He can’t talk to Juyeon anymore, at least not for the time being.

Juyeon wakes up with regret filling his entire being. His head hurts, so much, and he feels all kinds of bad. His body hurts too; it’s sore because he fell asleep on the porch. There’s no one around, just an empty bottle of Gin and his empty pack of cigarette.

He groans, did he really smoke the entire box last night. He sits back up, letting out a pained noise. God this hurts so much. It takes him a moment to remember everything that went down last night, and now he completely understands the bottle of Gin. His heart falls.

What was he going to do now? He was so disappointed alcohol didn’t make him forget. Why didn’t he forget? It could’ve been so much easier if he had. He would’ve gone home, acted like he didn’t know anything and just gone back to his normal relation with Jaehyun but no.

No.

He remembers. He remembers it with so much detail too. The feelings, the sensations, the burning of his skin, the way Jaehyun looked at him so eager and ready. It felt so surreal, yet was so grounding at the same time.

Last night, he felt like he was flying.

Now, he feels like he’s falling. Jaehyun, his best friend, the man he loved more than anything, probably hated him to the core. He must be so angry and disappointed. Juyeon wonders, if Jaehyun will ever forgive him.

When he gets up, holding on the bottle tightly, he can feel the guilt eating up at him.

What was he going to do?

Where was he going to go?

Who could he tell about this?

He could really blame only himself. No one else. He was the one who decided he wasn’t going to get over Jaehyun, and now, he’d lost the one thing he loved the most. He checks his phone, knowing full well that there would be nothing for him.

He was right. Jaehyun hadn’t even asked where he was.

He really did fuck everything up.

He leaves the porch, unsure of what to do, but he knows already that, he’ll do anything it takes to get Jaehyun’s forgiveness. He can’t live without him, romantic feelings or not. Jaehyun was his home. He couldn’t just let him go.

As he cleans up, he takes the decision to apologize. He promises he’ll get over Jaehyun, that he’ll give up his feelings for the other. He’ll stop loving him. He’ll confess, get rejected and move on. He would do it, because he loved Jaehyun.

He doesn’t go home straight away. For a while, he sleeps over at Seokmin’s, who now knows of what went down that night. He sleeps on his couch, until he feels ready to go back home. When he arrives, it’s very quiet. There’s a box of takeout on the kitchen counter, and more guilt comes up as he thinks about how Jaehyun must’ve eaten very badly this week.

He goes to the counter and starts cleaning up. There’s a lot of things to throw out. Boxes of takeout, a few trash bags. He’s not usually this messy so Juyeon wonders if Jaehyun is okay. Did it affect him that badly? Was he really that upset over the kiss?

Juyeon finishes cleaning and that’s when the front door opens. Jaehyun is dressed in a nice but simple t-shirt and some light washed jeans. He’s so pretty.

The younger scolds himself for thinking this again and passes a hand through his hair, catching the attention of the older.

When Jaehyun sees him, there’s an expression of shock and sadness that appears on his face. He looks really stressed out and is already walking way to his room. Seeing him run away really sends a knife right through the brunet’s heart.

He runs from behind the kitchen counters and stops Jaehyun from getting to his room.

“Wait.” He says firmly. The older isn’t looking at him, he’s looking literally everywhere else. It’s another stab.

“Listen. I’m sorry” The younger says and it’s only then that Jaehyun looks at him. It looks like he’s about to say something but Juyeon interrupts him and tells him to listen.

“I know I messed up.” He thinks it’s now or never, and Jaehyun probably already knew anyways so it was time to come out with it. It was long overdue anyways.

“I know I messed up,” he repeats “I really love you Jaehyun. Not just in a best friend way, in an also very romantic way. You’re so important to me though, and I don’t want…what I want to affect our relationship. I promise you. I promise you I’ll give up, just please don’t shut me out. I promise I’ll change. I messed up just this one time. After that, I promise you I’m never hurting you again.”

The smaller only listens. He has an unreadable expression on his face, Juyeon doesn’t know what to make of it. He looks…shocked? Surprised? Confused? He isn’t sure, but he doesn’t like it. The nerves are now eating at him and he’s nervously waiting for the other to respond, say anything, anything but nothing.

They stand, facing each other, for what feels like hours, until Jaehyun finally speaks up.

“You love me?”

Juyeon’s heart falls. Did…Was it not obvious? The kiss felt so…telling. It was raw and so filled of his feelings. Did Jae really not notice? He guesses it doesn’t matter. He promised he’d get over Jaehyun, so now he had to wait for the rejection, and he could move on.

“Yes, I do” He starts “But I promise you I’ll stop. Just…don’t leave me”

Jaehyun just nods. He doesn’t say anything and tells Juyeon he’s sorry too, before he walks away to his room.

Juyeon doesn’t know how to feel that night. He doesn’t sleep that night either, and spends the entire time smoking. What did that mean? Were things back to normal now? He doesn’t know but he’d get over Jaehyun now at least, and he’d let his best friend be happy.

He’d stop being selfish.

For Jaehyun.

近くなってる

“You’re breaking up with me?” The blond asks. She doesn’t sound surprised, which confirms Jaehyun’s initial thoughts. Dahyun knew all along, but hadn’t said anything.

They’re at a café. It’s really hot outside and he really shouldn’t be out and about but he couldn’t do this on the phone. That was against his principles.

“Yes, and you know why” The other sighs but nods.

“How long did you know?” He wonders aloud.

“I’m pretty sure since the beginning actually” She says, giggling a little.

“What!? Why didn’t you say anything??”

“Jae” she starts, an unimpressed expression paints her face. “Imagine me going up to you after having started dating you and saying ‘You’re gay and you’re in love with your best friend’”

“Point made” She laughs.

“We’re still friends right?” He asks nervously. He’s a little afraid she’s angry at him for doing this to her. It’s got to suck to have someone you like actually be in love with someone else entirely.

“Well, yeah. Listen I’m hurt but I don’t blame you for having feelings. I will say though, that was so long” He agrees with that. It really took him forever. But now he knew. He was so sure about this. He was so excited for all the things he was going to share with Juyeon now. Well, if he still liked him when he’d have a talk with him.

So far, it had been almost impossible to get a hold of him. He was really avoiding the hell out of Jaehyun, and it’s understandable. He’s trying to keep his stupid promise. He’s going to have to have a talk with the younger about doing stupid things. They can’t keep this up.

That night, when Juyeon had confessed, Jaehyun felt like his entire world had collapsed and rebuilt itself just in one night. It was one of the most emotionally draining nights of his life. He had been so happy and so confused and so sad and it was like a wave of emotions had crashed right on his face.

He felt happiness, because Juyeon loved him. That caused so much confusion. He then realized that he had been denying the simple truth all along. He felt so sad, so angry at himself that it took him this long to understand. It took him so long to get it. It took a confession and hurt from his best friend for him to get it.

But now it was over. He was going to make everything better. He was going to set things right.

He spends the rest of the day with Dahyun. Tomorrow was going to be a big day. He was going to have to initiate his plan.

He smiles to himself.

He was so excited.

His throat is so dry and rough a week later. He’d smoked so much in the past few days, and he felt like shit. Everything hurt.

He sat up in his bed. His hair was a complete mess and he passes a hand through it to calm down his curls. He groans to himself, voice grating against his throat. He facepalms and gets off of bed and leaves the room.

Jaehyun is sat on the kitchen counter, eating yogurt. He looks really cute in that oversized t-shirt. He looks like he just woke up as well. Juyeon really wants to go over there and cud- no. Bad Juyeon.

We said you were going to get over him. No more fantasizing about morning Jaehyun. Or Day Jaehyun. And, definitely no fantasizing about night Jaehyun. He groans and it’s only then that the other lifts his head and notices him.

His face suddenly reddens and it makes Juyeon a little confused. He wonders if there’s anything on his face.

“Didn’t I tell you to wear shirts in the living room?” Oh, he looks down to himself. He forgot about that.

“Sorry, I’ll change”

“Wait.” He hears before even getting to his door. The other is off the counter now and he’s walking towards him confidently. He feels Jaehyun’s arms surround his neck and the other hugging him suddenly.

The taller doesn’t really know what to say or do so it takes him a moment before he actually reacts, but soon, he’s holding onto Jaehyun like he’s holding onto dear life. He isn’t sure what this is. He treats it as a goodbye hug. One last indulgence before he can seriously get over Jaehyun.

The older smiles when he lets go.

“Can I ask you a question?” Juyeon only nods dumbly.

“I wanted to know, how did you know?”

“Huh?”

“How did you know you liked boys?“ Juyeon’s arms are still surrounding the smaller, unconsciously of course. He doesn’t hear a complaint anyways so they stay there.

“I…I think the very moment I knew, was when I had a crush on Eric instead of Ariel while watching The little mermaid.” He said, laughing lightly. It was a little weird that Jaehyun was suddenly asking. He had never been curious. Jaehyun thinks, for a little bit, and detaches himself from Juyeon. His hands find each other behind his back and he looks nervously back at the other.

“Can I ask you another question?” Juyeon nods again.

“How did you know you liked me?”

That’s when Juyeon really is at loss for words. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do this. The way Jaehyun looks at him so innocently, expecting an answer. Why would he ask that? Juyeon worries a little but answers nonetheless. He figures it’s maybe a healing process. Maybe opening up about it will help him get over the entire thing.

He sighs.

“We were in our second year of High school. I was really comfortable then, with my sexuality, but had been feeling weird around you for a little longer than three years but that day was when I knew. It’s kind of stupid when you think of it but you were with Hyunjun, and Kevin was fooling around with the underclassmen. He kept saying really weird things and Hyunjun and you joined him and you had that really wide and beautiful smile on your face. It was really beautiful. I could almost describe every single detail from that day.” He laughs.

“I think it’s when I heard and saw you laugh so open, and honest, that I knew. The moment I saw you smile like that…” He pauses “And see, I had seen you laugh so many times before that but that day. It was just special you know?”

Jaehyun listens to every word with attention but doesn’t respond right away. He looks deep in thought. Juyeon notices that the tips of his ears are red. He wonders what’s up.

“Hey…did I say something?”

“No NO I’m just thinking”

“About?”

“It’s been so long Ju, why did you never tell me?”

“You’re my best friend. You’re my everything. I couldn’t…lose you” He lied.

“Tell me the real reason Juyeon” The other asks seriously.

“Falling in love with you was the best thing that happened to me, I didn’t want it to end.” He answers eventually.

Jaehyun flushes a deep red. There’s a faint nod there and if Juyeon wasn’t watching so intensely he wouldn’t have noticed it. There’s something off…? Jaehyun looks so vulnerable and shy and embarrassed. Oh no…did he say something?

“Do you love me that strongly?”

“Yes” Without a single hesitation.

“You don’t have to get over me” Juyeon’s brain short circuits again. If this keeps going he might really end up stupid. Well, more than he already was. He really didn’t understand what was happening.

“What?” He asks like an idiot.

“I said, you don’t have to get over me”

“Jae…I don’t think you understand. I’m deeply in love with you. If I don’t stop…I’m gonna hurt you and Dahyun.” The other laughs a little. Juyeon is confused. He asks again, what the hell is up with this conversation and he sees Jaehyun roll his eyes.

“Come on, ask me the questions I asked you”

“Jaehyun, I alr-“the other shushes him by putting his hand firmly on his mouth. He smiles widely.

“Ask me” Juyeon is really trying to understand what kind of elaborate prank this is. What was Jaehyun trying to get to? There was a voice in his mind, that kept shouting hopeful things. He really didn’t want to get his hopes up. He had just decided to give up!

“Okay. When did you know that you liked boys?”

“When I fell in love with you” Juyeon’s face must look like a gold fish’s right now, because he keeps opening and closing his mouth, not sure what to say. What? What was he saying? Jaehyun ushers him to ask the other question. Juyeon complies, heart beating a thousand miles an hour. His hands are so sweaty right now. His face feels like it’s on fire. Is this…really happening?

“When,” He hesitates. Jaehyun’s face is so beautiful smiling like that “When did you know you liked me?”

“See, that’s a funny story. I think it started in High school. You were playing basketball with your friends and my heart skipped a beat when you looked at me from the court and smiled like I was everything.” He pauses, reminiscing the scene. “But, I only really understood when you told me, that you loved me back”

“Jae-“

“If this is about being confused, leave it. I was confused. Now everything makes sense. Everything makes so much sense” Juyeon feels like he’s flying. He feels like on that night, when everything just felt so right and so good. His heart feels light and he thinks if it beats any faster, it’ll leave its spot. He slowly approaches Jaehyun, he thinks his eyes sting a little.

“Really?” It’s so simple but his voice cracks and he feels a few tears leave his eyes.

“Yes, really. I love you Lee Juyeon” It takes just those words for Juyeon to sweep the older off his feet and twirl him around a little. He hugs him tightly, almost afraid he’ll break him. He can’t help it. He’s just so happy he never, not in a million years, thought that this would happen. He only imagined, fantasized, dreamed about this.

His arms hold onto Jaehyun by his waist and he buries his face in the smallers’ neck when he puts him back down. Jaehyun is laughing. He looks beautiful, smile wide, expression open, face flushed.

Suddenly, Juyeon has a realization. Actually, several. First of all, he could now take Jae out on dates. He could fulfill his every dream of spoiling and making the other happy. He could also, kiss him; whenever he wanted. Well not all the time but he could now. So he lifts his face and looks straight at the older, who stops laughing the moment he sees Juyeon’s expression.

His eyes glance down to the other’s lips for half a second and Juyeon’s heart flies. He was thinking about the same thing.

“Ca-“ Jaehyun just nods quickly. Of course he could what kind of stupid question was that?

Juyeon doesn’t want to be too rough but, his self-control is out of the door whenever it comes to Jaehyun for some reason. He’s so unreasonable and irresponsible. He’ll do anything. The brunet holds tightly onto his…boyfriend and kisses him a little too forcefully on the lips. He hears the older whine a little; if all self-control wasn’t already gone it was definitely gone now.

As they kiss, they hear Jaehyun’s phone ring in the background. Neither of them care right now though. The only thing that matters is the other.

Three Years Later…

“Babe, please just chose a pair and let’s get going”

“But! I want both of them!”

“So get both!”

“But they’re so expensive!”

“God I hate when you do this”

The couple next to them is speaking really loudly in the store and it’s starting to piss Jaehyun off. He just wanted to buy clothes with his boyfriend in peace, was that too much to ask? He’s about to go and give them a piece of his mind but Juyeon stops him by hugging him from behind. He waddles over to the other section, pulling Jaehyun with him. The blond laughs a little. His boyfriend is so cute.

“Don’t fight them baby, they’re not worth it. Come on, let’s find you those sneakers you wanted.” Jaehyun’s face lights up.

“Are we really getting them!?” Juyeon laughs and nods. Sure, why not. If it meant his boyfriend would smile like that he’d get ten of those overpriced sneakers. Jaehyun wasn’t even much of a sneaker fan, he just really liked the design because it had iron man on it.

Cute.

They’re on a date right now. Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to tell you which one, they’ve had so many dates in the past three years. They’re always together too so, usually, they’re unplanned. Plus, ever since they’d graduated college, they’d been having a lot more money to spend on each other.

They make their way around, buying some of the things that they need and browse the isles of several stores before Juyeon says that he’s hungry. They discuss where they should eat, and Juyeon for some reason is really adamant about going to that one restaurant they both only go on their anniversary. It’s a really fancy place and it’s close to this nice hill with a view they like to go have dates on.

Juyeon had shown him that place when they started dating. That was one of their first dates and it was just as romantic as Jaehyun thought it would be. It was a little cheesy too, with the other cuddling him as they watched the city darken. Jaehyun didn’t really care, he liked those attentions, and Juyeon was really good at giving them out.

“That’s really far babe are you sure?”

The younger nods, as he puts the bags in the trunk of his car. That’s another new thing. They’d gotten a new apartment and bought a car together, but Juyeon was mostly the one who drove it because the older was too lazy to. Also because Juyeon looked really good when driving, cigarette in hand, but that was a secret so shh.

“Alright, if you really want to” They get in the car and hold hands as they make their way there. Jaehyun talks excitedly the entire way. He isn’t sure why they’re going there all of a sudden but he’s excited. They make some really delicious foods there and he can’t wait to try it. He’s so focused on that conversation, that he never notices the box like shape inside of Juyeon’s front pocket.

Juyeon can’t wait.

This time, he’s ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Finished this a long time ago but it took a while to proof read. I'm working on a really long Seventeen fic but for the time being have a Jujae <3   
This is my Twitter account : @smilelilas :)   
I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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